How To Teach Our Kids To Be Brave (A Christian Mama’s Approach)
First, a story about my timid little boy
J has always been fascinated by the satellite dishes that can be spotted along the BKE. Every time we pass by, he looks out for them, eager to catch a glimpse. Then when he does, he’ll yell out “SATELLITTEEEE!”
But this one time, it was different. It was night time. The satellite dishes were no longer the familiar shapes he’d seen against the sky. Instead, they loomed large as dark, shadowy figures. I could see he was uneasy.
Then, he started to pray. “Dear God, please…”
I’d only just recently taught him a format of praying starting with “Dear God…”, so I leaned in right away, curious to hear how he would continue.
In that moment, I could see clearly that as he was afraid, his first instinct was to ask God to change his circumstances.
“Please make the night become daytime. I’m scared.”
What an innocent and honest plea. It’s actually such a beautiful way to come before God, with a simple (though naive) request and an honest statement about one’s true feelings.
In that moment, I could see clearly that as he was afraid, his first instinct was to ask God to change his circumstances.
I held his hand and attempted a simple explanation that God created day and night as part of the rhythm of His creation, and that it was good. Then, I suggested he try something different: “You know, J, instead of asking God to change the sky, you can ask God to help you with your heart. You can ask God to help you be brave even when you feel scared, even when it’s dark.”
Fear is Normal in Childhood
As J grows, his awareness of the world grows too. And consequently, so do his fears. Things that once seemed insignificant now feel bigger. New fears have emerged.
The dark. Sleeping alone. Loud noises. Dinosaurs chasing him (we made the mistake of letting him take a coin slot kiddy car ride that surprised us all with a scary dino chasing the car passengers) . J even has fears at playgrounds! He’s almost three and he still refuses to try swings, slides, or anything that wobbles or makes him feel out of control.
Fear is a natural part of childhood. It’s how kids learn to navigate their environment, assessing what feels safe and what doesn’t.
These fears are golden opportunities where as parents, we have teachable moments to guide them through these fears.
A side nod to departing from some parenting styles from the legacy of my Asian culture: parents tend to react to children’s fears by saying something like, “Look! There’s nothing to be afraid of,” or we might say, “You’re a big boy now. No need to be scared.” But those are the things we specifically try to avoid saying, though I find them on the tip of my tongue every now and then (the impact of years of hardwiring).
I believe that we help our children with their fears best not by dismissing them, but by teaching them how to face them with courage.
Teaching Kids to Be Brave
So, I’ve been focusing on two simple lessons with J (frankly, even though I call them “simple”, they’re hardly simplistic! These are such big, abstract concepts for our little ones. Still, I believe at this young age, they do have understanding. What we repeat to them early will be good seeds sown that we will harvest with joy later on.
Okay, so two simple lessons:
We can take our fears to God. He is always with us, and He is mighty to help us.
Being brave doesn’t mean we’re not scared. It means that even though we are afraid, we still choose to take the next step, or to do the thing we are afraid of.
Instead of waiting for the external circumstances to change, we can ask God to change our hearts.
These truths apply to more than just childhood fears.
Even as adults, we often wish our circumstances would change, hoping that if the “night” would turn to “day,” our fears would disappear.
But instead of waiting for the external circumstances to change, we can ask God to change our hearts. To strengthen us, to help us trust, and to give us the courage to walk forward despite our fears.
Encourage Bravery in the Everyday
So, how do we help our little ones be courageous in their day-to-day lives? Especially when we have an extra timid one on our hands?
Here are a few ways I’ve learned from my experience:
Acknowledge their fears first: Instead of saying “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” we can validate their feelings: “Oh yes, I can see how the dark can feel quite scary.”
Pray together: In that very moment of a fear expressed, stop and pray together with our kiddo. Yes, out loud. Yes, “Dear God…” and all! This allows us to model what it looks like to bring our fears to God, showing them that they don’t have to face fear alone and powerless. God is with us and He is mighty. Mightier than our fears!
Celebrate small wins: Bravery is accumulative. It’s a muscle that needs to be strengthened. In other words, we can’t wait and hope our kiddo will one day become brave overnight! Keep encouraging them to take small steps. Keep encouraging them to try again. Keep offering that appropriate challenge. And when they do try (and succeed) for the first time (and many times after, even)—celebrate!
Remind them what true bravery is about. Remember that old quote, “courage isn’t the absence of fear; it’s the mastery of fear”? We can tell our children in simple ways that being brave means moving forward even when we feel afraid.
Put up a visual reminder in the home, like a scripture memory verse. Here’s a really good one from Psalm 56:3 “When I am afraid, I will trust in you.”
A Gentle Reminder for Parents Too
In teaching J these lessons, I’m reminded of how often I need them too.
As grown-ups, we have our own set of fears: uncertainties about the future, worries about our children, health concerns, financial struggles, strained relationships, all challenges that feel too big to handle.
Be brave, dear heart, not because the fear disappears, but because we have One who helps us conquer.
And yet, the same truths apply to us in these complex fears just as they do to our kiddos’ simple fears: We can bring our fears to God, and we can choose to move forward in faith, even when we feel afraid.
So I offer a gentle invitation to you, my dear reader, whether it’s concerning a child afraid of the dark, or your own mama heart feeling overwhelmed by the weight of it all. Be brave, dear heart. Be brave, not because the fear disappears, but because we have One who helps us conquer.
What are some fears your little one is facing right now? What are some fears you are facing, too?
If you're navigating this season with a timid little heart in your home, I hope this encourages you to approach that little heart with patience, faith, and gentle guidance.
Walking through fear is never easy—for kids or for us as parents—but we can trust that God is with us every step of the way.
I’d love to hear from you! If you want to share a story or just need some encouragement, you can find me at @thehearthmakers on Instagram or email me at hellohearthmakers@gmail.com. Let’s keep encouraging one another as we raise brave little hearts.
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