Creating Meaningful Moments with Your Toddler (Even on the Busiest Days)
As mothers, we’re constantly balancing what feels like a million responsibilities—work deadlines, household tasks, the needs of our little ones—and somehow still trying to find a moment to breathe.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably found yourself torn between a crying toddler and a pressing email more times than you’d like to admit.
Just the other week, I took J to my parents’ house as I usually do on our weekly visit, hoping to get some work done while he spent time with his wai po (grandmother) and wai gong (grandfather). But that day, he was unusually clingy. Every few minutes, he’d wander over looking for me, and my heart felt pulled in two directions—wanting to meet his need for attention, but also knowing I had urgent work to finish. When my mother eventually managed to distract him, I got my work done, then closed my laptop with a pang of guilt.
A few days later, I stumbled across a skit by Sonia from The Ong Squad. Her message left a deep impression: toddlers crave our attention now, but when they’re older, the roles will likely reverse. The thought stayed with me, and it led me to a gentle realization: we don’t need more time to connect with our children—we just need to be intentional with the time we already have.
“We don’t necessarily need more time to connect with our children—we just need to be intentional with the time we already have.”
Here are three simple rhythms I’ve started incorporating into my day to make the small, routine moments count.
1. Slower Mornings
Mornings in most households, mine included, are a hotbed for chaos. Between preparing breakfast, packing bags, and making sure everyone gets out the door on time, connection can easily fall to the bottom of the list.
That’s what mornings were like when J first started school. Add to that school drop-off separation anxiety and our mornings quickly became our least favourite part of the day. It was such a sour tone to start the day!
But I realized I didn’t want our mornings to feel like this anymore, a rush of demands and stress. So I made a small tweak—I started waking up just 10 minutes earlier to spend intentional time with J.
It’s nothing elaborate: sometimes we read a short book, share quiet cuddles, or work on a simple puzzle. They key is to keep it low-key and calm—no hyping him up only to abruptly leave when it’s time to go. Those 10 minutes have been a game-changer. J starts his day with a full cup of connection, and I get to leave the house with a lighter heart.
If you’re feeling pressed for time in the mornings, try finding just a few extra minutes to connect. Even one small moment can set the tone for the whole day. As a family, we’ve since made other tweaks and developed a system of ease for an even gentler start to each morning.
2. Bedtime Cuddles & Chats
Bedtime used to be one of the most frustrating parts of my day. I’d sit in the room, watching the clock tick away, impatiently waiting for J to fall asleep so I could tackle the next task on my list.
But I’ve learned to see bedtime differently: as a golden opportunity to reconnect after a long day. We’ve established a predictable (but flexible) routine that J looks forward to—it’s full of what we call the “B'‘s”:
Bath: a fun time for bonding (more on that below)
Bottle: he still takes a night bottle of warm milk
Brush teeth: quick but important!
Book: his absolute favourite and indispensable part of the night
Bed: cuddles and chats before sleep
Once we finish reading his chosen books (he often stretches this moment by asking for “one more”), I take time to cuddle with him and chat about happy things. Since he’s only two years old, I keep it simple. I ask about his favourite moments, which often include memories of family trips or little things that made him smile recently. I’ll also point out something he did that day that made me feel proud of him.
As he grows older, I’m looking forward to asking simple, meaningful questions like:
What made you happy today?
Did something make you feel upset?
What did you learn today?
How were you kind or brave?
These conversations might seem small, but they open a window into our child’s world. They also send a powerful message: I see you. I’m here for you.
3. Bath-time Bonding
Bath-time in our home isn’t just about getting clean. Since I’m already spending time helping J bathe, I try to use it as a chance to laugh, play, and connect.
Some of our favorite bath-time activities include:
Drawing pictures on the foggy glass with our fingers.
Singing his favorite songs together (he loves pretending his bathtub is a boat, inspired by Moana).
Playing with squirty bath toys (quick tip: check for mold buildup regularly and replace as needed).
These little interactions turn a mundane routine into a time of joy. To J, it’s not just “bath-time”—it’s time spent with mama, where he feels seen and loved.
Why These Moments Matter
Toddler separation anxiety is real. It's developmentally appropriate and to be expected! At this stage, toddlers are figuring out their independence, but they still crave the reassurance that we're their safe place. This can make them clingy, especially when they see us focused on something else [1].
Research also shows that toddlers crave attention because it's how they learn and feel secure. They're hardwired to seek interaction - whether through eye contact, play, or conversation. It's their way of saying, "I see you. Do you see me?"
Toddlers are hardwired to seek connection through interaction. It's their way of saying, "I see you. Do you see me?"
1. As toddlers grow, they become more aware of their surroundings and the potential for separation, leading to increased clinginess when they perceive their caregivers are distracted or focused on other tasks. American Academy of Pediatrics. "Soothing Your Child's Separation Anxiety." HealthyChildren.org, 24 Sept. 2019, www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Soothing-Your-Childs-Separation-Anxiety.aspx. Accessed 18 Nov. 2024.
Reflect & Apply
If you’re the journaling sort (or even if you’re not), here are some gentle questions to reflect on:
When was the last time I gave my child my undivided attention? What was their response?
What small tweak can I make to our existing routine to create moments of connection?
What emotions come up when my child seeks my attention at inconvenient times? How can I manage that?
Application Action: This week, pick one pocket of time that’s already part of your daily routine—morning, bath-time, bedtime, or even the car ride home—and intentionally connect with your child. Notice how it impacts both of you.
Final Thoughts
It's easy to feel overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood, I know this full well from fresh, ongoing, firsthand experience! I’m right there in the trenches with you. But I’m learning that connection doesn’t have to feel like one more thing on our to-do list. It’s in the small moments. Those ten extra minutes in the morning, a shared laugh at bedtime, splashing around in the bathroom, may not seem much to us. But to a toddler? It means the world.
Jiayou, mama. You can do this. One little moment at a time.
