C-Section or “Natural” Birth, Every Birth Story is a Victory
When I was heavily pregnant with my son, nearing full term, I had a vision of how his birth would go, but a c-section was not part of it.
I pictured scenes in the delivery ward, with my husband by my side. Only this picture, with the pushing, and labouring, with contractions, and sweat, and tears... this is a picture of a vaginal birth.
The “normal” birth story. The rite of passage “every mother” goes through. (At least that’s what society largely says).
That was what I was prepared for — the pain, the unpredictability, and even the possibility of medical interventions for pain relief, like an epidural and/or an induction.
When the Doctor Suggested a C-Section
On one of my final visits to the gynae, I underwent a few tests, including the standard ultrasound. The gynae "hmm-ed" and "umm-ed" several times, furrowing her brow.
It wasn't an emergency, but my gynae pointed out a few concerns - irregularities in my baby's heartbeat, a sudden increase in baby’s weight, and the fact that he hadn't kickstarted anything in the way of labour at 39 weeks. No water breaking, no cervical dilation, not even a single Braxton Hick. My husband and I were given a choice: try an induction or proceed directly with a c-section, and we had to make the decision within a day.
I remember sitting in the clinic, stunned and flustered. I had read all about vaginal births and inductions, but I hadn't spent a single second learning about c-sections. Yikes.
After weighing the risks and discussing it together, and praying along with our families, we chose the c-section. My biggest motivator was to do whatever would stress baby least. I was also in great fear of what delivering a "big baby" (so the gynae said) vaginally would be like. We called the doctor's office the day after my final consultation, and the surgery was booked in for the very next day. We were quite literally giving our baby an eviction notice!
Although the decision was made swiftly, it wasn't one we made lightly.
It meant stepping away from the ideal I had for my baby's birth and my crossover into motherhood. Now, looking back, it seems so silly to have an “ideal”. All births are challenging in their own way, and all birth stories are just as miraculous.
Yet to me, it felt like I would be missing out on the experience that so many mums before me have shared about. It also meant recovery would be tougher, plus the surgery would greatly stretch our finances.
A c-section (or however you birthed your child) does not diminish the beauty, strength, or validity of your birth story. The gift of your child being born—that is in itself a miracle.
(I've since written a post on my c-section birth experience and the recovery process thereafter, you can read it here)
My baby arrived safely, and we welcomed a healthy little boy. Everyone says the same thing, but it was truly love at first sight. Everything after the birth, including recovery, and then grappling with caring for a newborn was a blur, but as soon as I could find my footing as a mother, I should have felt nothing but joy. Yes, I felt joy! But this joy was peppered with an unexpected emotion: shame.
Post-Recovery from a C-Section
When people would ask how I delivered my child (in hindsight, why is that even a question we ask mothers, along with whether a mother is breastfeeding or not?), I found myself shying away from full disclosure that we elected a c-section without a medical emergency.
It took time for me to embrace a truth which I so desire for you to hear today, dear mama friend:
A c-section does not diminish the beauty, strength, or validity of your birth story.
The fact that a child has been born—whether through a surgery or not—that is in itself a miracle.
Common Misconception: Vaginal Births are the "Gold Standard"
There’s this pervasive narrative that vaginal births are the “gold standard.” On top of that, it's in common parlance to call a vaginal birth a “natural birth”, which can unintentionally make anything else feel less-than.
But let’s take a step back and consider what birth truly means. It’s less about the method than the moment a woman's baby enters the world—when she meets baby for the first time, when her body and heart transform in unimaginable ways, and when she steps into the profound role of “mother.”
When I think about my son now, I don’t dwell on the fact that he was delivered through a c-section. I see a happy, thriving little person who entered the world in the safest way possible for him at the time. And that was the goal all along.
Leaning into that acceptance over time is a process. The feelings of guilt and shame still come up from time to time, but these are some truths that helped me let go of the shame:
Birth is not a competition. There’s no prize for enduring more pain, spending less money, or ticking off boxes in your birth plan. The prize is your healthy baby and your health as a mother.
You made the best decision with the information you had. In the heat of the moment, we rely on professionals, research, and instincts to guide us. There is strength in making informed choices, even if they look different than what you’d imagined.
Your motherhood is not defined by how you gave birth. Being a great mom has far more to do with how you nurture your child every day than the circumstances of their birth.
There's no prize for enduring more pain, spending less money, or ticking off boxes in your birth plan. The prize is your healthy baby and your health as a mother.
Friend, I'd even extend point number 3 to say your worth—you, God's dearly beloved, you strong, amazing woman—your worth is not defined even by your motherhood itself.
I know being a mother can feel like such an all-consuming role. It is. No doubt it is! But around your role of "mum" are also other important facets that make you whole and interesting. Your intellect, your interests, your hobbies, your kindness to others, your resourcefulness... The way you host in your home, the way you lend a hand to someone who needs help, the way you've been thoughtful to your husband, the way you take care of your ageing parents, oh friend, I could list so many more. All of these beautiful qualities, beyond your present and primary role of mother, are what makes you… you.
My dear mama friend, if you've ever felt any degree of shame, guilt or disappointment at some unexpected turn(s) in your birth story, I hope you can give yourself permission to release those feelings today. I pray you see the miracle of what you've accomplished, the miracle God has worked in your life and still continues to work today. Mostly, I hope you remember the love that surrounded the choices you made for your child over any feeling of regret in decisions past.
Regardless of your birth story, one thing will stand eternally true: God has planned for your child’s life from even before she or he was born:
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.—Psalm 139:13-14
By the way, if you're looking for some solid resources to learn more about the different options for birth and what each process is like, the Doctors Bjorkman, a husband-and-wife duo (one's an OBGYN and the other's a pediatrician) is a great place to go. In particular, you might find these videos on c-sections and inductions helpful:
Journal Prompts
What emotions do you feel when you think about your birth story, and how can you reframe any negative feelings with compassion and grace?
What moments of strength and love can you remember from the moments of bringing your child(ren) into the world? Write them down and celebrate!
A Prayer Before You Go
Heavenly Father,
Thank You for the gift of motherhood and the beautiful ways You guide us through its challenges. Help us to embrace our story with grace and see the strength and love You've given us in every step of the journey. Teach us to release shame and silence the voice of comparison, trusting that You were present in each moment, each procedure, each decision, and You continue to be present with us. Remind us of our worth not just as mothers, but as Your beloved daughters. May we find peace as we continue to trust Your provision, wisdom, and guidance for all our days. We ask this in Jesus' name, Amen.
